well, i pretty much finished packing last night... i was up until 2a... i just need to make a run to fedex/kinko's to pick up just one really big box and some bubble wrap... and a run to ikea for a duvet, and possibly another set of sheets... all the years of tears, and wishing to be somewhere else has culminated into this point now... and honestly, i couldn't be happier... there's a song by Adele called Chasing Pavements, and i never really understood what it meant... and i still don't exactly... but my interpretation, as it relates to my life, is that... with all the drama that exists in my life from divorced parents, me finding myself, etc... i shouldn't give up... i should keep chasing pavements... keep on keeping on... cause the light at the end of the tunnel is only 3 days away... though in the past it seemed like all my endurance seemed to lead nowhere... now i can see the benefit of having just ignored all the bulls--t, and keeping my head up... i'm almost there... i can feel it... i wont be forced to return here if i don't want to... i can't stop smiling... and no one is stealing my joy... no matter how much they try to... and that's directed at you mother dearest... in three days, who are u gonna belittle then, who are u gonna bully, who are u gonna b-tch to??? you'll be stuck like a car in the mud... hahaha... you may care how we leave each other, but i really could care less, as long as i leave...
that makes me think on something else... i'm happy not to be going to NYC... i'll always love the city... but a large part of me is now happy not to be going there... or rather, i'm now really happy to be going to san francisco [actually moraga, but its close enough]... life is going to be so different... the people, the vibe, the plethora of things to get into... i think i may find the one in california... i'm hoping to at least... my first true love... i think he's waiting for me in california... whether he's in the dorm room down the hall, or the apartment on the other side of the city... i just have a feeling he's there somewhere... just waiting to meet me... but until then... i'm having fun... i'm not going to look for him... i want to experience as much as i can... =]
i had a conversation with a friend [Garrett], his aunt recently got married to her girlfriend... they live in the sacramento area... and we were just talking about our futures... like if we'd get married and stuff... he's really looking forward to the wife and kids and home and career... i'm still unsure if that's what i want... like, i'd love to be in a relationship as committed as one that his aunts have... but i'm not so sure about the piece of paper that says, mr & mr scott-[his last name here]... and the kids... eeek... ionno about the kids... i'd much prefer us to just be in love... wine tasting in italy, safari in south africa, riding bikes in holland, experiencing the Louvre in paris, walking close under an umbrella in london, going to the chinese new years celebrations in hong kong, eating sushi in a pagoda in kyoto, scuba diving in the coral reef of australia, jetting off to egypt to explore the pyramids, fashion week in bryant park [nyc], going to sxsw music festival in austin [texas] or coachella in indio [california], going to sundance film festival in park city [utah], enjoying an extended stay in the virgin islands during december or to brazil... it would be endless bliss... that's what i want... i dream big... it's the only thing that keeps me optimistic... without high hopes for life, i'd be on depressed college student. =P