to joi...
you are one beautiful, intelligent, talented young woman who is being unfair to the world by not being happy and putting on a wonderful smile... for one, u live in DC... i didn't much like it until i started living there; there is so much to do... like no lie... and about the not meeting very many people thing, like, who said you had to be friends with ur fellow Bisons... u can get out of that HBCU world... which at the risk of sounding racists against my own people... is quite close minded and ignorant... go to dupont circle, u st, travel to clarendon, go up to bethesda, see the sights in friendship heights... there is much to do, and a place for everyone in dc... and i have much more to say, but this would turn into a rant, and that doesn't help anyone... i just think that you are worth more, and have more at your disposal, and more things going for you that are good than you may realize... i'm speaking as an outside observer who hasnt truly lived in ur shoes... but i'm speakingas a friend who has seen ur smile more than once... as far as getting to nyc... that will happen in its own time... but while you're hear, get ur foot in the door... there are places here that often desire a designer, or a seamstress, or a photographer... or hook urself a job at nordies or bloomies... thats always a quick way to add a good name on ur resume... and one more thing, i thouroughly disagree with u about not fighting for what u want at the risk of hurting others... cause u kno... those around u are older, they had their chance at happiness, now its ur turn... dont let the door of opportunity close itself off to u... the universe doesn't stay waiting around for us forever, it's only gonna bash us over the head with chances so many times before it gives up on us... there are schools in nyc that are cheap... consider a community college then transfering, at least then you'd be able to claim residency... or even like a SUNY... those are cheaper... or FIT which is soo not that expensive... my mom worked to pay her way at FIT... true the tuition got more expensive, and the housing market did too, but so did the minimum wage... my mom had a roomate in brooklyn and commuted to school at FIT and then went to work after... but thru all tht still had time to have fun... so like, you can sooo do that... joi, i just dont wanan see u become that suburban mother who works for some government job in dc who everyday wishes she had've followed her dreams... i really don't wanna see that happen to u... and im being honest here, and more than i should probably... but i see that happening to Steven, and i see it happening to you, and i see that happening to a couple of my other friends who CHOSE not forced to stay in maryland/dc/virginia... im so glad i left there, cause i knew i would be one of the many who never get out... i had a comfortable internship that would then offer me a job after graduation... thus signing away my life, and sealing my future as on of those ppl who get stuck... so don't let that happen joi... regardless of money, where theres a will theres a way... and u act like u cant just go to a school like Stockton College in new jersey, which is right next to nyc if im not mistaken... my mom went there too... so like yah, u just need to have a strong belief in self, and not be afraid to hurt some ppl along the way... cause u are a much brighter star than u make urself out to be...
to steven...
argh... stop it... just stop it... like, really... i dont understand you sometimes... you've already proven urself to be intelligent... why are u in the engineering program when u continue to say that its hard, or that you'd rather be doing that thing with the animals, or that ur interests are far more broad than just engineering... like, really... tell ur parents to fuck off... excuse my language... but u and joi are allowing ur parents to hold u back from ur dreams... they'll be dead in 20 years [knock on wood]... and where will u be in 20 years? hmm... working some high paying job, or job that pays u enough so u can take care of them for those next 20years? no. that shouldnt be the case... they've lived their lives... and u should be able to live urs too... u dont owe them anything... they wanted to have a kid... so they did... and they accepted the responsibility to raise them up... u dont owe them a thing... they did what they were supposed to do... u already 'payed them back' by getting good grades, staying off drugs, never being arrested, and not getting anyone pregnant... why should it matter that they think... you are so cool, u are so talented, u have dreams, u have a future... and u, like joi, are allowing ur parents to keep u from that desired future... dont allow urself to miss that train... and as for ur mom being like super evil about u becoming vegetarian... tell her off... i kno its mean... but just put ur foot down, get loud if u have to... thats wrong of her, and u shouldnt be made to feel bad about who u are... like really... i told u a while back that u do things to make others lives easier and ignore ur own desires... u put urself second, and ppl walk all over tht... it shouldnt be that way... u should be the one taking control of ur life... not allowing others feelings to become a factor... and about u not going to philly... im still really upset about tht... cause i dont want u to get stuck there... i really dont... and im sure u dont either... but thts the way it seems to be turning out as... u could have applied to every single college in pennsylvania... not just the top colleges... if you truly wanted to be tehre... and this isnt about looking back, cause the past is the past, but like.... now tht we're here... start looking to transfer to pennsylvania... get out now while u still have the chance... dont let ur dreams fall to the wayside... i love u steven, and i dont want u to be another smart asian graduating from umd, and having spent so much time under the thumb of ur parents that u begin to resent them but u stay close to them because u never learned how to stand on ur own to feet, so u have this amazing degree in a subject that u grew to hate because u realized u only did it because u felt it was expeted of u by ur parents and because u were smart and so u take a job working once again somewhere in maryland living in a nice home in laurel or a home in virginia all the while living a life of 'what ifs'... dont let tht happen... please... dont let it happen... i want us all to be able to go to our reunion... and laugh at the ppl unhappy with okay looking wives, 3 kids, and who are going bald with bellies... and we'll be able to share stories of traveling the world, while they just have stories about their kids...
i just got off the phone with my mother... and i had to just start crying... cause im sooo wishing i had've taken a gap year... went to europe... traveled... and im realizing that im being dumb... ignore what im saying i guess u two... cause we all have time to still do stuff... and im doing the same thing, living under the thumb of my parents... ionno... maybe this is what college students face, at least freshmen... being sad... and depressed... ionno... at least the ones with goals... the ones who are just here to be here are more able to just party and not worry about anything... so ionno... im jsut really sad right now, and kinda can't stop crying... good thing im able to skip classes, cause otherwise, i'd be a mess in my classes... x__x
-robb-
you are one beautiful, intelligent, talented young woman who is being unfair to the world by not being happy and putting on a wonderful smile... for one, u live in DC... i didn't much like it until i started living there; there is so much to do... like no lie... and about the not meeting very many people thing, like, who said you had to be friends with ur fellow Bisons... u can get out of that HBCU world... which at the risk of sounding racists against my own people... is quite close minded and ignorant... go to dupont circle, u st, travel to clarendon, go up to bethesda, see the sights in friendship heights... there is much to do, and a place for everyone in dc... and i have much more to say, but this would turn into a rant, and that doesn't help anyone... i just think that you are worth more, and have more at your disposal, and more things going for you that are good than you may realize... i'm speaking as an outside observer who hasnt truly lived in ur shoes... but i'm speakingas a friend who has seen ur smile more than once... as far as getting to nyc... that will happen in its own time... but while you're hear, get ur foot in the door... there are places here that often desire a designer, or a seamstress, or a photographer... or hook urself a job at nordies or bloomies... thats always a quick way to add a good name on ur resume... and one more thing, i thouroughly disagree with u about not fighting for what u want at the risk of hurting others... cause u kno... those around u are older, they had their chance at happiness, now its ur turn... dont let the door of opportunity close itself off to u... the universe doesn't stay waiting around for us forever, it's only gonna bash us over the head with chances so many times before it gives up on us... there are schools in nyc that are cheap... consider a community college then transfering, at least then you'd be able to claim residency... or even like a SUNY... those are cheaper... or FIT which is soo not that expensive... my mom worked to pay her way at FIT... true the tuition got more expensive, and the housing market did too, but so did the minimum wage... my mom had a roomate in brooklyn and commuted to school at FIT and then went to work after... but thru all tht still had time to have fun... so like, you can sooo do that... joi, i just dont wanan see u become that suburban mother who works for some government job in dc who everyday wishes she had've followed her dreams... i really don't wanna see that happen to u... and im being honest here, and more than i should probably... but i see that happening to Steven, and i see it happening to you, and i see that happening to a couple of my other friends who CHOSE not forced to stay in maryland/dc/virginia... im so glad i left there, cause i knew i would be one of the many who never get out... i had a comfortable internship that would then offer me a job after graduation... thus signing away my life, and sealing my future as on of those ppl who get stuck... so don't let that happen joi... regardless of money, where theres a will theres a way... and u act like u cant just go to a school like Stockton College in new jersey, which is right next to nyc if im not mistaken... my mom went there too... so like yah, u just need to have a strong belief in self, and not be afraid to hurt some ppl along the way... cause u are a much brighter star than u make urself out to be...
to steven...
argh... stop it... just stop it... like, really... i dont understand you sometimes... you've already proven urself to be intelligent... why are u in the engineering program when u continue to say that its hard, or that you'd rather be doing that thing with the animals, or that ur interests are far more broad than just engineering... like, really... tell ur parents to fuck off... excuse my language... but u and joi are allowing ur parents to hold u back from ur dreams... they'll be dead in 20 years [knock on wood]... and where will u be in 20 years? hmm... working some high paying job, or job that pays u enough so u can take care of them for those next 20years? no. that shouldnt be the case... they've lived their lives... and u should be able to live urs too... u dont owe them anything... they wanted to have a kid... so they did... and they accepted the responsibility to raise them up... u dont owe them a thing... they did what they were supposed to do... u already 'payed them back' by getting good grades, staying off drugs, never being arrested, and not getting anyone pregnant... why should it matter that they think... you are so cool, u are so talented, u have dreams, u have a future... and u, like joi, are allowing ur parents to keep u from that desired future... dont allow urself to miss that train... and as for ur mom being like super evil about u becoming vegetarian... tell her off... i kno its mean... but just put ur foot down, get loud if u have to... thats wrong of her, and u shouldnt be made to feel bad about who u are... like really... i told u a while back that u do things to make others lives easier and ignore ur own desires... u put urself second, and ppl walk all over tht... it shouldnt be that way... u should be the one taking control of ur life... not allowing others feelings to become a factor... and about u not going to philly... im still really upset about tht... cause i dont want u to get stuck there... i really dont... and im sure u dont either... but thts the way it seems to be turning out as... u could have applied to every single college in pennsylvania... not just the top colleges... if you truly wanted to be tehre... and this isnt about looking back, cause the past is the past, but like.... now tht we're here... start looking to transfer to pennsylvania... get out now while u still have the chance... dont let ur dreams fall to the wayside... i love u steven, and i dont want u to be another smart asian graduating from umd, and having spent so much time under the thumb of ur parents that u begin to resent them but u stay close to them because u never learned how to stand on ur own to feet, so u have this amazing degree in a subject that u grew to hate because u realized u only did it because u felt it was expeted of u by ur parents and because u were smart and so u take a job working once again somewhere in maryland living in a nice home in laurel or a home in virginia all the while living a life of 'what ifs'... dont let tht happen... please... dont let it happen... i want us all to be able to go to our reunion... and laugh at the ppl unhappy with okay looking wives, 3 kids, and who are going bald with bellies... and we'll be able to share stories of traveling the world, while they just have stories about their kids...
i just got off the phone with my mother... and i had to just start crying... cause im sooo wishing i had've taken a gap year... went to europe... traveled... and im realizing that im being dumb... ignore what im saying i guess u two... cause we all have time to still do stuff... and im doing the same thing, living under the thumb of my parents... ionno... maybe this is what college students face, at least freshmen... being sad... and depressed... ionno... at least the ones with goals... the ones who are just here to be here are more able to just party and not worry about anything... so ionno... im jsut really sad right now, and kinda can't stop crying... good thing im able to skip classes, cause otherwise, i'd be a mess in my classes... x__x
-robb-
thanks, Rob.
ReplyDeleteI just feel so stuck sometimes.
I try and try but I feel like no matter how much I do it's never enough.
All I know is, I've got to get out of here.